Lazarus

You saturate every waking moment, even my dreams, with your absence. Such deep grief. Empty spaces. Lost hopes.

Your sister here after a date night, so beautiful, so radiant. Little Vinnie and his pretend world, the sincerity and sweetness and silliness of your youngest brother Jeremy...you will never know these things. 

I go to bed. Saturating the pillow with tears.

Sleep never comes and I lay awake and stare into the darkness. 

What could I have done....what could I have done...what could I have done to change it....

I would trade my own life to make you whole again. To roll the stone away.