There are days, much like today, that I feel as if I have been gutted. I reach for the phone to leave you a message, to sing songs to you in your voicemail and I realize I will never again do that. Today I have spent hours in bed, trying to muster the strength to go to work tonight. I hear your voice telling me to get up. I stare at your pictures. I try to remember every little thing. I remember how you laughed your little baby laugh. I remember how you danced. I remember how you said that you forgave me for everything and how I never accepted your forgiveness.
Is it time now, Jonathan, to finally accept it? Because inside I am going to self destruct with guilt and shame.
I grieve for what could have been and what is.
The pain in the center of my chest...well, now I know what absolute heart break really is.
